oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
