Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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