Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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