Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize