After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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