Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize