paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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