Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
