Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
