he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
