2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
