remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
