What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
