sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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