Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish you could order shots online.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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