meet me or not, i'm out of control
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize