If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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