no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think people are normalizing furries
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
