i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
