someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
