I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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