I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
