Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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