just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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