just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
