Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
