Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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