Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
