Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
