I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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