Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
