Soap is not a condiment
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
