Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
