put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
