i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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