I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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