I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
