It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
