Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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