Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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