ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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