the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
