I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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