We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
