It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize