see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
