Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think a kid would responsible me up
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
