hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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