it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
