i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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