I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
