ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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