dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Quick, to the slutcave!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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