Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
