since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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