Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
