Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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