he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
