doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
