Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
