I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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