just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
