Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
