I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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