I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
