I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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