A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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