when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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