Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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