I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
