Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
