Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
