She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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