Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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