ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.