the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
