Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You suck.

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  (248): Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier. (1-248): You suck. http://tfl.nu/uyss
  Replies (41) Good night (913) Bad night (3487)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.

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  (912): I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight. http://tfl.nu/g7kq
  Replies (31) Good night (7415) Bad night (767)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.

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  (952): I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was. http://tfl.nu/9bfo
  Replies (6) Good night (2567) Bad night (1478)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.

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  (205): This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/uwhu
  Replies (3) Good night (788) Bad night (2046)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever

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  (715): I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever http://tfl.nu/rkkg
  Replies (3) Good night (1518) Bad night (502)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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  (618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (519)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.

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  (817): I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember. http://tfl.nu/qd7b
  Replies (0) Good night (832) Bad night (481)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.

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  (662): He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime. http://tfl.nu/s8up
  Replies (3) Good night (300) Bad night (587)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo

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  (301): I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo http://tfl.nu/z0dg
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (262)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.

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  (432): Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless. http://tfl.nu/ih1y
  Replies (0) Good night (663) Bad night (308)
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  (477): View more from

  YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!

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  (477): YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?! http://tfl.nu/xl4i
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (275)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.

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  (585): You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe. http://tfl.nu/6475
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (258)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."

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  (727): they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room." http://tfl.nu/y4b1
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (299)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.

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  (412): I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole. http://tfl.nu/a32r
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (275)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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  (812): You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you? http://tfl.nu/twmm
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (195)

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