I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.