You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry about my life...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?