apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.