This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
