i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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