Screwed.edu
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
