I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
