I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize