I hate your face
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I seem to have left my pride at pride
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
