I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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