Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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