Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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