And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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