Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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