My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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