woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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