I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
