My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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