i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
