I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
